What if its all for nothing? Dealing with career doubt.
I am constantly reflecting, over thinking, are the things that I am doing leading somewhere. Its hard to know for certain whether your present actions will result in something meaningful, or whether we are wasting our time doing something meaningless. Goal setting is meant to solve this problem, and it does to some extent. However, the challenge remains in how these goals are achieved. Sure you can fractionalise that massive goal you have into smaller, more digestible bits, but the premise still stands.
We are assuming that if we follow the steps we lay for ourselves, or mimic that ones left by others, we will end up next to our goals. Our path is built on assumptions. Every step we take is a fragile assumption, creating a path of uncertainty that could collapse at any moment. This level of uncertainty is frightening, and it makes me wonder should I be doing anything if its all based on hope?
These thoughts have recently clouded my mind. As I take on each new day I am faced with the dilemma of not knowing what step to take, and if that step is the right one. Currently I am trying to decide what to do with my career: do I stay in teaching or find a job in the tech space? I am looking for jobs on LinkedIn, and of course with limited success. My experience is far from a technical background having graduating from History, though I have always been interested in technology. There was a point where I was set on becoming a computer scientist, but my bad run into a particular teacher steered me away from going down that part of my skill tree. I am looking for technology consultancy jobs specifically. I am a Design and Technology teacher as a matter of fact. Yes it feels like that random single skill point you mistakenly allocated. However, I have a desire to build upon this part of my skill tree.
The lack of success in landing a new job has made me wonder should I stay in teaching. My two year contract as a teacher is coming to an end, and I am supposed to reapply to renew my contract. But with no passion or real interest in scaling up the educational ladder, I am deliberating to not renew and leave. However, the idea of leaving a job without another lined up is jump I am not prepared to take…yet. I absolutely envy the courageousness of people who leave their job with no firm fall back plan. The people who have families and dependencies and yet take the risk of diving into the unknown.
I am left at the edge of a diving board, constantly looking down, overthinking about what may happen. Is the water deep enough to break my fall or will I crash regretting my actions.
Saying all this, I think its okay not to know. Sway does not have the answers, and I definitely don’t. When I am unsure what the future will bring, I remind myself to focus on the process. Even if the journey is carved by assumptions made today, it gives us enough guidance to make it through the uncertainties that are thrown towards us daily. And so if the step I take is not the right one, I will at least know that in the moment I made the decision to foolishly follow my dreams.